Why Don't Fitted Sheets Fit?

OK, so here’s a question: why don’t fitted sheets fit on my mattress any more? I thought the purpose of the fitted sheet was to provide a smooth, unwrinkled surface for sleeping, without the hassle of trying to make hospital corners and tuck a plain sheet around your mattress. That would mean, to me, that you don’t get little bumps and pockets around the edges that catch your toes just as you’re falling asleep, jolting you back to consciousness.

Unfortunately, I’ve found over the past 10 or 15 years that this is not so. My fitted sheets never quite fit on my mattress, leaving little wadded-up twisted places at the corners, and wrinkles all around the sides. Granted, when I first discovered this affliction, I was buying discount sheets in the irregulars bin. Hmmm, was that what they meant?

So a few years ago, I upgraded to a nice, first-quality set of percale sheets from a lovely upscale retailer. I was so excited to think that I would have a wonderfully smooth sleeping surface that I couldn’t wait to put them on the bed. I washed & dried them, then took my nice, new, fresh-smelling sheets in and started making the bed.

I pulled one corner over the mattress, went to the opposite corner, and pulled that into shape. I noticed a few wrinkles, but thought they would surely go away when I had finished. Last two corners…voila!

But wait…what’s this? A backwards dimple on a couple of corners? Did I put the sheets on wrong? I took them off, turned them around, tried again, and…still had dimples. And wrinkles. And no matter how hard I tried, I’ve still never been able to get my sheets completely smooth. Which drives me up the wall, without fail, every week.

I don’t have a big pillow-top mattress. I don’t have a custom-made bed. Just a normal, everyday box spring—for which, I would think, sheets were made.

So I ask, plaintively, why don’t fitted sheets fit?

Guess I’ll go have a cup of tea to drown my sorrows.